Obscene euphoria

Exotic landmarks. Spinning heads. Newness leaving impressions, staining me with them. So there was a tactile shift between the day and the evening, when I’d retreat to my almost silent pad, my head buzzing with those thoughts and the spectre of home – somewhere, somewhere, creeping in too, mashing it all up.

The moments intertwine, especially when I arrived back at the lodge, smashed by an obscene euphoria and doused with all these warped, humidity-crunched thoughts. I washed my face, I threw my clothes off, I sipped my water, I watched the addictive panorama. This was a stretch that appeared ginormous, borderless in the memory, and elongated by weary time-stretches. And that’s why there’s one particular encounter with my fleeting fiend that I can’t separate from the rest of them. When did it happen? It’s so muddled and transparent as though a daydream. I just know that it was probably in the middle of the event, if a middle is what you would call it.

In that time no other world seemed possible – the start and the end of my trip were invisible; this was life, a wave of tropical affirmations. I discovered stuff. He was part of that, materialising as a flurry of expectation, a body with an odd universality even though the person gave the impression of extreme individuality.

Maybe there was no gap between my day and me waking, or sleeping, it certainly felt that way, and I don’t remember one – I recall only an apparition being there, outlines of him but not whole, not complete like I thought they should have been. The fuzzy silhouette. No edges to his arrival either and it was plopped there to manifest in my head, shining there. Energies powered through, chiming with worldly vibes unheard across the panoramas ensconcing my temporary home.

What could I possibly say to this being that lived up to the situation? I was swimming in unreal seas – a look into his distracted eyes confirmed that no man would decode his exact domain. Simply, I could have walked away, and not shown any interest, but I felt invested in this strange union, and I thought I’d come away with something from it, perhaps something I’d embellish with atmosphere-tinged karma.

This time he gave the impression of something angelic, a clear higher spirit, and it filled the space with a greater element than just him. ‘Hey, what’s up?’ I mined the spectre of deep melancholy. ‘Ah, it’s you... how’s it going? I’m alright, tired, but I keep going... I try to stay alert!’ Another pause. He focused in on me, as thought he’d remembered some buried fact. ‘Hmm, you are different, I can tell. You want to know more, you’re always searching. That’s cool.’

I agreed, but I wasn’t sure how to respond. Then the words began to flow. ‘It’s interesting. Ha. I’ve stayed around the world, loads of places, and for longer than here too, but this hotel, it grabs me. Dunno, feels strong. It has an effect on me. It’s weighty, like there’s more to what it is than I can see. I want to think of it that way anyway, a sort of fortress surrounded by all those lights. A beacon of its own. It’s easier when I’m in it – I can feel like it’s my castle, you know, watch everything from a place that lets me be the voyeur, from a hidden point. It’s not like that at home.’

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